Once Upon A Time, We Didn’t Live Happily Ever After

3 Sep

Dear M & S,

They say that in silence, we might find the peace that we deserve. But in silence, most injustices are also born. It was probably the fear of messy confrontations or plain denial of the betrayal that happened. Nonetheless, I think it’s about time that people heard my side of the story.

S, the three-year relationship was filled with my happiness as the focus of everything. I will admit I was spoiled and well taken care of. I was too loved that I ended up gaining about 20kgs. Yes, I was your princess but you weren’t always my prince. And I’ve always recognized that mistake. I’ve admitted that to all my friends, contrary to what you think that I was twisting the facts  to harbor sympathy from all our common friends. You should know that I hated it. I hated the pity I got from people the most. I was hurt and letting everyone see me broken was not really something I was proud of. Yes. You made sure I was pampered, but that didn’t give you any ounce of right to hurt me that much. After all, we don’t love to hurt. You could have told me the truth that you were starting to fall in love with someone else. It wouldn’t have made me hurt less but it would’ve made more sense than the reasons you gave (eg. wanting to be the “baby”, “it’s not you, it’s me”, etc). You could have told me that you wanted someone almost everyone in your office has already slept with, I would’ve understood the need for a 24-hour-available bang-thing. Is that so you can compare sex notes with your friends? And you really didn’t need to badmouth me and say that I was high-maintenance just to justify your disappearing act. If leaving me was the best decision you’ve ever made, for me, YOU were the worst decision i’ve ever made. If only I could unmeet you, I would.

M, you were the bad surprise. To have considered you a friend was probably the worst decision I’ve ever made. I’m not accusing you of stealing him from me. Because if he were truly mine, he wouldn’t be stolen in the first place. But I am accusing you of being a bad friend and a liar. You weren’t anybody’s friend when you started working with us. I  genuinely wanted to be your friend but that didn’t matter when you decided to be my ex’s wife. I asked you straight up, and you cried. You made me feel like I was the worst friend in the entire universe for thinking that you could betray me. But you did. You betrayed me in every sense of the word. I don’t even understand how you were able to talk to me knowing what you did. Either sleeping with your friends’ boyfriends is something you normally do with the people in your circle or you’re just really good at ignoring your conscience. Did you not feel guilty at all? Did you even lose a minute of sleep when you cried those crocodile tears? You’ve played victim like a pro, telling everyone that you’ve been bullied by my friends. Please, you deserve worse.

Probably you two fell in love all of a sudden. Maybe you loved each other after S broke my heart, but that won’t make anything ok. And no, you can’t ask me to forget. I have moved on but I will never forget. The fact that you both chose to insult me with a lie instead of respecting me enough to tell me the truth. Both of you let me believe that I was not enough, you let me think that I was not worth it. You changed me in such a painful way that I could never see love like the way I did before. I could never trust the way I did before. 

So if both of you are really proud of how far you’ve come from being the cheating boyfriend and the betraying friend, then Congratulations. Congratulations to your little family and I sincerely hope that you stay together for your little angel, at least one good thing came out of the evil you both did.  Please don’t expect that the people around me would be as forgiving. So don’t complain when you get “bullied” as you love calling it so much. Lastly, karma is a bitch and will always be. For every pain and every tear and every disappointment and every betrayal that the both of you experience from here on, don’t you dare say that neither of you deserve it. Because you do. You both deserve every bit of it.

We’re all going to live really long lives. A lot can still happen in between. You can tell all the people in the world the lies that you let yourself believe in; but the truth will always be the truth. I hope your son never finds out what you did because if I were your child, I would be ashamed to have been born of such betrayal. So tell your lies and live it. One thing’s for sure, I may have cried myself to sleep at one point, but I end up sleeping better at night. At the end of the day, I survived. And the two of you will be stuck forever in this spiral of betrayal and pretense.

Love, P.

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