The Clock is Ticking

6 Aug

Earlier this week, I got to meet a man I found to be very eccentric, weird and interesting. He made me pause and think about where I am right now and where I want to go with my life.

The first question he asked me was “What is your dream?”

And I had all these rehearsed things that I normally use when answering that kind of question; but he would stop me and continue asking the same question over and over again. It took me a while to realize that truthfully, I didn’t know what I wanted for my life.

I work because that is what I am expected to do as a professional. Can I say that I love what I do? Not really. It’s more like a means to an end. Not something that I am completely passionate about. I struggle to get up in the morning, that itself should tell me if I am actually doing what I love.

I plan of helping my family through building my own business that can provide for my parents when my father finally retires. I know I want to have an apartment business because I think that it’s a very stable and growing source of income. So in preparing for this plan, I am taking up my Masters in Business Administration. This plan drives me, but it isn’t really for myself. It’s a dream I have for my family.

So I’m back to asking myself what I really want, where I really want to go and who do I really want to be. I have the comfort of reasoning out that I’m still young and I have lots of years to figure out all these. But what if I waste all these time just to wake up one day and realize that I have actually run out of time. And I would end up being bitter and sad and frustrated. That would be a pretty empty and unsuccessful future.

Ever since, I’ve started asking myself what really feeds my soul. Sure I have numerous interests but I have yet to discover what really enamors me. I want to know what sets me on fire. I want to be able to do something that inspires me so much that I wouldn’t think of it as work. I want to fall in love with a dream for myself and look forward to that for the rest of my life until the day I achieve it.

It’s depressing not being able to throw a quick response to that very meaningful question, “What is your dream?”. I have always believed that I was a girl of purpose, and I’ve just realized that even I have yet to discover what truly makes me happy.

And to makes things worse, the clock never stopped ticking — and it never will.

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