it will NEVER be the same

14 Aug

to an amazing friendship that started a year ago — it’s painful to say that it just won’t be the same – ever. to realize that the relationship i really treasured meant little to you. we actually hung on to your words — believing in your reasons every single time you bailed out on us. silly us. the minute reality sunk in that you just didn’t see the friendship as special as you used to — i was angry. it was emotional denial because i just couldn’t accept the fact that we meant that little to you. slowly things fell into place. it’s like being repeatedly hurt again and again and again that you just get used to it and finally — i just felt numb. blank. nada. and trust me, that’s worst than being hurt.

i never thought that this could be possible with friendship — i thought this sort of goodbye was only reserved for sorry love stories, but i’ve been proven wrong – once again. and it’s even more painful because it’s something you don’t expect. there are always sob stories about unhappy endings and stupid jerks but never of broken friendship. well, at least not in my book.

when you said, “it will never happen again”. i use to ask myself how you could say that. now i finally understand that you were trying to say that what we had was just a mere spur of the moment for you. not the sort of friendship that we thought we had. that’s that.

you may have your reasons — ones which we will never understand. and you don’t have to feel guilty because you don’t owe us an explanation. you act on your accord because that’s what you are — you answer to no one. that i understand. the memories that we had a year ago will always remain special to me — and it’s sad that we won’t be having the same moments again because you choose not to. i truly hope with all my heart that you finally find your happiness. that you finally free yourself from this denial or pretense that you’re going through right now. and i hope you find people you will truly treasure more than we treasured you.

maybe this is goodbye. goodbye to the friend that i once had. because from the minute i went numb — you turned into just a colleague. you became a stranger — just an officemate. nothing more.

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